If you’re new to the story start here.

When last we left our “hero(s)” they were on their way back from that scary place we call uncertainty. We were leaving L.A. after having a fine visit with my children. What I thought was going to be the worst flight of my life turned into a non-event.

Getting through security was once again a series of the same questions. I just wish I could know how her brain was functioning. How can she remember to get dressed and not remember how to make coffee? I can see that she is having trouble with her reading too. When we go to a restaurant she just stares at the menu and finally just points to something or orders the spaghetti and meatballs. The other day she asked if she had my daughters correct phone number. She wasn’t looking at a phone number – it was my son’s name.

I’d say she has good days and bad days but lately it’s been good moments and bad moments. She can be sitting on the couch laughing at Ellen Degeneres and in the next hour worried about going home. The last few mornings she’s come down the stairs to remind us that she doesn’t like to eat or drink anything before she travels. After I tell her we’re not going anywhere she says she knew, she was just saying for the future.

Last night was another “bad moment” night. She said she had to go “home” before the 7th. I asked her why and she said she had a lot of paperwork to take care of. I asked what kind and she didn’t know. She got defensive and just said she had to go. Then the good moment came. Walking around the house as if nothing was wrong.

We went to dinner at my in-laws and just before we walked in another bad moment.

“I have to leave tonight. Book me the ‘plane.’”

“Mom, it’s late now. You can’t get a flight.”

“I have to be back by the 7th.”

“Why?”

Then I got nothing. Five minutes later she’s chatting up my wife’s grandmother and laughing at my mother in-laws view of politics.

The rest of the night was uneventful until I get this angry message from my uncle, her step-brother, that I better call him and I better get my act together. So now I have to call and talk to a whacked out uncle I haven’t heard from or seen in twenty plus years to see what kinda drama he wants to bring to the table. Better to face this head on right? Why prolong the inevitable?

You know, I respect that you might have some concern for your sister and want to make sure everything is OK. It’s that you didn’t bother to check in on her for years until you learned that she might have some money in the bank that makes me curious. When I told my uncle she had Alzheimer’s he thought I was lying. Well why wouldn’t you think I was lying? After all you spend an hour a day with her every couple of months and she seems fine. Trying to explain her condition to him was just about as bad as trying to explain it to her. We had to end the phone call when he said he was gonna come here and shoot me if I didn’t send her home. I wonder if he’d feel the same way if he learned she wrote checks to everyone around her and now has a whopping $80 to her name? Where was he when her past due phone bill came or when her electricity was turned off? Family, you gotta love ‘em.

This morning I felt I had to tell my mom about my uncle contacting me. She might forget by tomorrow but for now it was someone she felt she could trust and she had to know the truth. She wasn’t as upset as I thought she might be. She did renounce him and told me he was probably on drugs. She couldn’t remember when she last talked to him. Or could she? Phone records show she has at least dialed his number every day for that last three days.

After our talk all was fine. We had some breakfast. Then like a tidal wave it hit. She was furious! She wanted to go home and she wanted to go home today. No excuses, no waiting. My usual defense of her not having any funds or a vehicle was met with a very simple “I don’t care, I don’t need anything! I want to go home today.” I tried to reason but it didn’t much work. This is where I wish I could just open up the ‘ole brain and poke around. What triggered this outburst? Maybe she didn’t like the eggs? She’s welcome to make them herself if she could remember how, but alas, she can’t.

Here’s what I think really goes over the head of my uncle and the other relatives that are so “concerned” about her. No one is stopping her from leaving. The door is not locked, there are no armed guards or barbed wire. Not even a single motion sensor. She can’t leave because she can’t figure out how! She can’t process how to call a cab, how to book an airline ticket. A hundred bucks says she doesn’t even know my address. It’s no secret that my mom and I are not the closest but she raised me right. I’m her son and it’s my responsibility to be there for her. Not the leeches.

I’m not sure how long this phase of the disease last but I’m all for it jumping on the Express and getting the hell outta Dodge. Then again, maybe the next phase is worse.

I’m also of the mind that she’s not really upset with being here or with me for that matter. She’s upset that she can’t figure things out any more. Who really knows. One day at a time right? Or is it moment by moment?

If  you haven’t been following the story start here.

Have you ever had that feeling where you know something is not a good idea but you just don’t want to believe it? Like when you’re gambling at a casino and you know you know it’s a bad idea to pull another hundred dollars out of your pocket. Yet in the back of your mind you’re thinking “my luck is just about to turn”. Just one more roll of the dice or one more hand. Next thing you know you’re down $500 and you’re kicking yourself for not listening and you just want to curl up in the fetal position and die.

I have been fighting with that feeling. We had to make the trip that, speaking for myself, we have been dreading. It was a stalling trip of sorts. I took my mom back to her home in New Mexico. She has been on me about going back for over a month. I get that it’s a familiar place to her so she is comfortable there. Yet I know she just can’t stay there. She can’t take care of herself like she needs to.

The trip started with a flight into San Antonio, TX where we had to change planes to get into El Paso, TX. For the life of me I don’t know how she made it to Maryland on her own to begin with. She was confused at every turn. She kept asking the same questions as we tried to get through security. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do. She is now at a point where if you give her a sequence of things to do she can’t get through them. So, when I said to her you have to take off your watches (yes watches, she’s wearing three now), take off your shoes, and put your purse in the bin to go through the machine, she only got as far as the watches. I had to repeat myself a few times. Then she’d ask if she had to dump out her purse. I’d say no and she would say good. Then she would ask, “Do I have to take everything out of my purse?” I’d say, “No.” Then she would would say, “Good, because I’ll be here forever.”

We landed in El Paso and she commented on how she had never been there before. I guess she didn’t realize she had just flown out of there a couple of months prior. We drove to Las Cruces, NM where I had spent some years of my life.

On the way out mom asked, “What town is this?”

“It’s El Paso mom.”

“Oh, I hardly don’t come here. That’s why I was asking.”

We drove around Las Cruces some. I couldn’t tell how much she recognized of it. She didn’t make any mention of knowing the church we attended and where I had been married the first time. No recognition of the place we used to live. Not that I blame her. It’s now been upgraded from a trailer park to section eight housing. I asked her about an uncle that lived in the area and she didn’t know who I was talking about. Then she remembered but she didn’t know where he lived.

So the feeling I was talking about. I got it when we drove into Deming, where she lives. She was able to tell me where to turn, what was here, what was there. The lady that earlier in the day couldn’t figure out how to get through airport security was in her own environment. Everything was familiar. In the back of my mind I was thinking, she seems fine, why couldn’t she live here? Then she couldn’t find her house key and had a near melt down. Oh yeah, that’s why she can’t live here.

We did have a good visit with cousins I hadn’t seen in twenty-five years. I also got to do some much needed landscape photography. It was funny to drive around the little town I had called home off and on for many years of my childhood. The place where I had my first job was still a tiny hole but I heard it was now delivering product as far as California. The town in general hadn’t changed. Grocery stores were now gas stations but still in the same spot. The trees in the park where I ditched school were bigger. It was funny, as I told my wife, my grandmother’s house where I played always seemed so big. Now I see it was a tiny little lot.

We had a lot of great food too. For the first time in many days I also hear my mom laugh. She does have a great laugh. Now I wonder if she remembers that she laughed just a few days ago.

Back to the airport. She still didn’t remember it. Back through security. She still asked the same questions. On the plane and headed to Los Angeles to see the kids. She hasn’t mentioned her car or driving back. I’m thinking we might be good. I have to take care of some business here for her. We did have a scheduled Dr. appointment. I canceled it. I figured no matter who told her she had Alzheimer’s she still wasn’t going to believe it.

Mom has been pretty quiet during our visits with the kids. I’m gonna put my M.D. hat on and say it’s because she doesn’t have a lot of memories of them. She was never involved in their life much. She doesn’t have those long ago memories that would still be with her. Then CRASH! My daughter slipped and mentioned her car. Dear GOD what have you done!? Now the women that couldn’t remember I had four children (yup she forgot one) can’t forget that she was supposedly coming out here to drive her car back.

It’s now Monday morning. The day we are to fly back to MD with hopefully a resigned to reality mother. Now I’m not sure what’s gonna happen. I just had the third conversation with her about being out of money, not having car insurance, and it not being a good idea to drive herself to NM. She might be getting it. I told her we were flying back (no destination given) and my son would drive her car so she didn’t have to. Little white lies are good right?

If you hear about a woman in a crazy wig going berserk at LAX that might be my mom. I’d tell you the wig story but I can’t type without laughing about it then mom would get suspicious and want to read what I’m writing.

Wish us luck.